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When you are talented you don’t have to be pretty
Although the culture at large is obsessed with physical beauty, being an attractive woman can become the defining attribute of your identity. Men of course can be vain and care deeply about their...
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Emotionally Exhausted
The mind-body duality is a philosophical conundrum that has been pondered for thousands of years. In my understanding, the mind is this ethereal idea that is associated with the brain, but doesn’t...
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Got It Going On
I know I am not supposed to tell my daughter she is pretty because then I am enforcing all sorts of longterm damage. You know, defining her self-worth with beauty, making her vein, or...
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Women Be Communicating and Shit
It is a common cliché that women are always wanting to talk about their emotions, but I feel like that is really unfair because that assumption makes me feel condescended towards and that makes me feel...
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Bikini Girls
Little girls in bikinis. Is this okay? Not okay? Should you even be reading this? Are we going to get arrested for talking about this? I am scared. Last week my friend Gita sent me an article about...
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Guess What??? I am Better Than You!
Women are often defined through their relationship to the other. As a girl grows up people will question whether she is going to have a baby or become a wife, and through those decisions a socially...
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Naked Girls are Amazing Accessories
You know how chicks rely on purses, belts and heels to sass up their look and make them more look feminine? Well guys have their own version of accessorizing to make them look manlier, and it is...
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Cuntree Mouse, City Mouse
Sometimes the cuntree mouse ventures into the city. My friend Gita and I decided to go shopping in Boston, an act I have not done in over 3 years. When I lived in NYC I kinda gave a shit what I wore,...
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Finding Femininity
“Mamma, can I paint my nails?” was not a question I expected my two-year old would ask me. Not that I have anything against nail polish, but since I never paint my nails I wondered where The Munch had...
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Maybe My Kid Should Start Smoking
So this whole weaning thing has been wayyyyyyyyy dramatic today. I knew this was going to be the case, which was why I have avoided it for so long. I feel as if I am seriously detoxing The Munch....
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L’eau de Snatch
Don’t hate me because I am beautiful, but also don’t hate me because I am not beautiful enough. You should only hate me because earlier I took your toothbrush and itched my bum with it- and I wasn’t...
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Pussy Control
Guess what I have been researching??? Pussy juice! Yes that is right! The copulins that are produced by the woman’s vagina! You are damn skippy I have! I have discovered a lot. For one, the muff is a...
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Maybe The World Doesn’t Need Child Brides
You know, maybe it is just me, but I am not really into the idea of child brides. I actually think it is a huge fucking problem, and maybe its time for it to be over. I know that there are cultural...
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Yeah, I Went There
Hi. Things are about to get real intimate between us. You may say to yourself while reading this. “Toni, why? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me read this?” And my only answer is...
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Little Girl, Grown Up Clothes
The other day The Munch wanted to run through the sprinklers wearing her green-stripped bikini that my mom had bought for her. I had never put it on her before, and noticed that the bottom was string...
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Twerking Boot Camp
Miley Cryus is getting a lot of attention for her performance at the VMA’s where she was twerking in her underwear, and mock finger-banging her self with a giant Styrofoam hand. The prevailing...
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Why Are We Such Hypocrites About Sex?
When I was a kid my parents took my brother and me to Europe for the summer. They wanted to show us the places where they grew up, and travel down memory lane with their children to bear witness. I...
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Shaming Slut-Shaming
There are obvious discrepancies when it comes to how male and female sexuality is perceived. Men are studs when the plug up a lot of chicks, and women are sluts if the get plowed too often. (I guess...
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The Little Man in the Canoe (also known as The Love Button)
Is it me, or is the clitoris pretty obvious? Why do people always talking about finding it? Or more importantly who do women rely on men to uncover it? To discover it like a ship lost at sea. Can’t...
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The Man Menses
Women are often complaining about their periods, but that is probably because they are on their periods. Silly women – always bleeding and emotional and shit. Yet even thought it is inconvenient to...
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